Hots Hold Weekly Press Conference

Hots in Second Place after First Day of the Season

After one full day of competition, the Hot Wheelers rose back to the top of the standings. "Sure it's a long season," a Hot Wheeler fan commented after the exciting day, "but you'd sure rather be in second than twelfth at this point!"

Hots Surge to Lead in Race for Whiner's Trophy

After surrendering the Whiner's Trophy to the Hawgs following the Hawg's bad luck last season, the Hot Wheelers have surged into the early lead for this year's trophy with injuries to two starting position players on the very first day of the season.

Instead of catching lightning in a bottle, outfielder Nook Logan caught his cleats in the outfield padding, resulting in a minimum 15-day stint on the disabled list.

Meanwhile, Cristian Guzman strained a hamstring while attempting to turn a ground out into an infield single, and is expected to miss at least a few games. Regrettably, he wasn't even successful at turning the out into a single, gaining only the strained hamstring for his efforts.

Kelly Johnson Stuck in Outfield

Hot Wheeler second baseman Kelly Johnson is stuck in the outfield for a few more days. "Due to the complexities of position eligibility, Johnson is prohibited by league rules from playing at second base until he has played at second base," an IFL legal expert declared.

When asked if that was a Catch-22 situation, the official replied, "Absolutely not, as Joseph Heller may construe that as copyright infringement."

Kevin Kousmanoff Qualifies Only as "Utility"

In other perplexing news, third baseman Kevin "Krispy Kreme" Kousmanoff is qualified to play only the position known mysteriously as "utility". When taking the field for this afternoon's game, Kevin was visibly confused. "I'm not sure where 'utility' plays on the field," Kevin explained. "Is it like short center field? Or behind home plate?" We're pretty sure that it's somewhere between the hot dog stand and the sushi bar.