Kouzmanoff Records Solid Week for First Time This Season
Hot Wheeler third baseman Kevin "Kripsy Kreme" Kouzmanoff weathered an awful April but appears to have turned the corner, as evidenced by his stats for the previous week: 1 run scored, 5 runs batted in, and an OBP of .632. The Kremer's performance raises his season OBP to .258.
Johnson Outdistancing Pujols
Kelly Johnson ($12) is outpacing Big Albert Pujols ($44) through the season so far. Consider these statistics:
Johnson: 32-6-26-4-.389
Pujols: 19-7-23-0-.372
With the slow starts from Pujols and Bay, Hot Wheelers have hopes to climb from 10th to 9th place by mid-season.
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Hot Wheeler closer Jose Valverde has been named the recipient of the recent Hot Wheeler of the Week award. Over the previous week, Jose saved 5 games for the squad, averaging one K per game while recording a WHIP of 0.40. Jose's performance helped vault the Hot Wheelers into a tie for first place in Saves.
Fans Confused by Logan Mismanagement
"Look, Nook Logan led the team with an OBP for 1.000 for most of April. Little Nookie was the bomb. I just don't understand why management would hold onto him through April, only to discard him so quickly in May," whined Nelly Logan, a fan watching last night's game from the upper deck.
Molina Rides 13-Game Streak Into Tonight's Game
While home baseman Yadier Molina has yet to show any flashes of power this season, he is reaching base consistently. Yadier brings a 13-game hitting streak into tonight's game. According to the team statistician, "We plan to petition the commissioner for a special bonus to be awarded on the last day of the season to the team with the catcher with the longest hitting streak during the season. Think what 10 bonus points could do! This could be huger than interleague play and the playoff wildcard combined! It could rejuvenate fantasy baseball and interest in catchers! While we haven't yet discussed the novel idea with the commissioner, it seems a no-brainer."
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Officials to Probe Lack of Information
IFL Blog Sabotaged, Homeland Threatened
According to an unnamed official, "The Iowa Farm League Blog has apparently been sabotaged by forces unfriendly to the United States and its interests. We can think of no other reasonable explanation for the recent lack of information at this important blog. For instance, news from two preeminent leagues teams, Hags Hawgs and the Hot Wheelers, has not appeared on the blog for the past three weeks. Young people serving our country at home and abroad rely upon the IFL Blog to follow their favorite teams. For instance, who won the Hot Wheeler of the Week award for the past two weeks? Do the Hawgs have a plan to retake first place? Why has Nook Logan, who led the Hots with a 1.000 OBP through most of April, been dismissed from the team? While some might consider these questions trivial, we know that the very security of our homeland may be at stake."
According to an unnamed official, "The Iowa Farm League Blog has apparently been sabotaged by forces unfriendly to the United States and its interests. We can think of no other reasonable explanation for the recent lack of information at this important blog. For instance, news from two preeminent leagues teams, Hags Hawgs and the Hot Wheelers, has not appeared on the blog for the past three weeks. Young people serving our country at home and abroad rely upon the IFL Blog to follow their favorite teams. For instance, who won the Hot Wheeler of the Week award for the past two weeks? Do the Hawgs have a plan to retake first place? Why has Nook Logan, who led the Hots with a 1.000 OBP through most of April, been dismissed from the team? While some might consider these questions trivial, we know that the very security of our homeland may be at stake."
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Hots Hold Weekly Press Conference
Hot Wheelers Climb to Upper Division
Despite the fact that their only win during the past week came from a middle reliever, for the first time in weeks, the Hot Wheelers have cracked the upper division, in 6th place going into today's games.
"We're not where we'd like to be," noted a hot official, "but we must confess that 6th is much better than 12th."
Logan Surrenders Award
Despite continuing to lead the squad with a perfect on-base-percentage of 1.000 for the season, Hot Wheeler Nook Logan declined to accept that Hot Wheeler of the Week award for a record fourth consecutive week.
"To be honest, the attention that I've received by winning this award has just been too much," Nook said. "I can't even stop for a Slurpee without being mobbed by Hot Wheeler fans. While it's given me something to do since I only played in one game in April, I need a break as I begin my rehab."
Nook is expected to return to the team in May.
Hot Wheeler of the Week Award Awarded
Hot Wheeler rookie Kelly Johnson has been named the recipient of the coveted Hot Wheeler of the Week award. Kelly scored 9 runs, plated 4 runs, hit 1 home run, swiped 1 base, and was on base at an Logan-esque .613 pace.
Hot Wheeler of the Month Award Awarded
Hot Wheeler rookie Kelly Johnson has been named the recipient of the coveted Hot Wheeler of the Month award for the month of April. Kelly scored 24 runs, plated 15 runs, hit 5 home runs, swiped 3 bases, and was on base at a .473 pace.
"Kelly, along with Hanley Ramirez and Jose Cruz Jr., kept our team afloat during this difficult first month of the season," a hot official released. "While it may be difficult for Kelly to maintain his hot tempo, our anchors Albert Pujols and Jason Bay are showing signs of returning to their expected top form. With their help, we hope to maintain a position in the upper division of the highly competitive Iowa Farm League."
Pitching Staff Evaluated
"Our staff has clearly not lived up to expectations," hot team officials noted. "We know that our staff prefers warmer weather, and think that there's ground to be made up on the pitching side of the ledger."
"While the closers and late relief has been fairly solid, the five in our starting rotation need to pick up some wins. Four of the five are excelling in K's and WHIP, but the Wins just aren't there. We think that will change and help us to maintain our tenuous hold on 6th place."
Statistician Reveals Revealing Statistic
"Kevin 'Krispy Kreme' Kouzmanoff, the squad's starting third baseman, is batting a meager .118 through the month of April. His OBP of .169 exceeds only that of Cristian Guzman's .000. The combined OBP of Nook Logan's perfect stats at the plate and the Kremer is a mere .180," the team statistician revealingly revealed.
"That's obviously not acceptable to our fans or our organization," Hot Wheeler Owner Jeff Wheeler noted to the press. "However, the Kremer has our complete confidence - given the fact that no viable options are available in free agency - and we expect him to improve upon this .169 OBP, raising it perhaps as high as .190 by the All Star break."
Despite the fact that their only win during the past week came from a middle reliever, for the first time in weeks, the Hot Wheelers have cracked the upper division, in 6th place going into today's games.
"We're not where we'd like to be," noted a hot official, "but we must confess that 6th is much better than 12th."
Logan Surrenders Award
Despite continuing to lead the squad with a perfect on-base-percentage of 1.000 for the season, Hot Wheeler Nook Logan declined to accept that Hot Wheeler of the Week award for a record fourth consecutive week.
"To be honest, the attention that I've received by winning this award has just been too much," Nook said. "I can't even stop for a Slurpee without being mobbed by Hot Wheeler fans. While it's given me something to do since I only played in one game in April, I need a break as I begin my rehab."
Nook is expected to return to the team in May.
Hot Wheeler of the Week Award Awarded
Hot Wheeler rookie Kelly Johnson has been named the recipient of the coveted Hot Wheeler of the Week award. Kelly scored 9 runs, plated 4 runs, hit 1 home run, swiped 1 base, and was on base at an Logan-esque .613 pace.
Hot Wheeler of the Month Award Awarded
Hot Wheeler rookie Kelly Johnson has been named the recipient of the coveted Hot Wheeler of the Month award for the month of April. Kelly scored 24 runs, plated 15 runs, hit 5 home runs, swiped 3 bases, and was on base at a .473 pace.
"Kelly, along with Hanley Ramirez and Jose Cruz Jr., kept our team afloat during this difficult first month of the season," a hot official released. "While it may be difficult for Kelly to maintain his hot tempo, our anchors Albert Pujols and Jason Bay are showing signs of returning to their expected top form. With their help, we hope to maintain a position in the upper division of the highly competitive Iowa Farm League."
Pitching Staff Evaluated
"Our staff has clearly not lived up to expectations," hot team officials noted. "We know that our staff prefers warmer weather, and think that there's ground to be made up on the pitching side of the ledger."
"While the closers and late relief has been fairly solid, the five in our starting rotation need to pick up some wins. Four of the five are excelling in K's and WHIP, but the Wins just aren't there. We think that will change and help us to maintain our tenuous hold on 6th place."
Statistician Reveals Revealing Statistic
"Kevin 'Krispy Kreme' Kouzmanoff, the squad's starting third baseman, is batting a meager .118 through the month of April. His OBP of .169 exceeds only that of Cristian Guzman's .000. The combined OBP of Nook Logan's perfect stats at the plate and the Kremer is a mere .180," the team statistician revealingly revealed.
"That's obviously not acceptable to our fans or our organization," Hot Wheeler Owner Jeff Wheeler noted to the press. "However, the Kremer has our complete confidence - given the fact that no viable options are available in free agency - and we expect him to improve upon this .169 OBP, raising it perhaps as high as .190 by the All Star break."
Monday, April 30, 2007
Hawgs Come out of Hiding
After a two week free-for-all that saw the Hawgs slide from first to fourth in the Iowa Farm League standings, the team's esteemed general manager fielded nearly four minutes of questions during an impromptu press conference.
How do you explain the point loss?
Look at the stats! Our big bats had on base percentages of .261, .217, .188, .185, .231, .286. That's atrocious!!!
Have there been any bright spots?
I'm not done with the last question! Our starting pitchers had a cumulative WHIP of 1.60 and our top closer blew 2 games and lat everyone on base who could walk to first!!!
So, what about the bright spots?
I'm still not done with the last question! The heart of our order went 18/133. That's a batting average of .135! What a disaster!!!
Is there a player of the week?
Are you kidding me??? These bums deserve to be fired!!!
How do you explain the point loss?
Look at the stats! Our big bats had on base percentages of .261, .217, .188, .185, .231, .286. That's atrocious!!!
Have there been any bright spots?
I'm not done with the last question! Our starting pitchers had a cumulative WHIP of 1.60 and our top closer blew 2 games and lat everyone on base who could walk to first!!!
So, what about the bright spots?
I'm still not done with the last question! The heart of our order went 18/133. That's a batting average of .135! What a disaster!!!
Is there a player of the week?
Are you kidding me??? These bums deserve to be fired!!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Hots Hold Weekly Press Conference
Pujols Back on Track
Following a slow start, the Hot Wheelers' Albert Pujols put together his first solid week of the season. Prince Albert scored four, knocked in five, hit two round-trippers and was on base at a .464 clip. "While that's just an average week for Albert, it's good to see him return to an average week," noted the team statistician.
Johnson and Ramirez Lead Surge
Youngsters Kelly Johnson and Hanley Ramirez aren't yet ready to surrender team leadership to Big Al. Their play for the past week helped fuel the Hot Wheelers' climb from the cellar into 9th place.
Johnson's line for the week: 6 runs, 2 home runs, 6 RBI, 1 stolen base, and an OBP of .600.
Ramirez's line for the week: 9 runs, 2 home runs, 4 RBI, 2 stolen bases, and an OBP of .514.
Logan Three-Peats as Player of the Week
Nook Logan, leading the team with an OBP of 1.000, has been named the Hot Wheeler of the Week for the third consecutive week.
"We're not sure if that's a new record or not," a Hot official noted. "However, when a player is maintaining a 1.000 OBP this deep into the season, that certainly attracts our attention!"
When asked why the national media hadn't yet picked up the story, the official revealed: "What else do you expect from the liberal media and their east coast bias? All they want to write about is those east coast teams, no matter how noteworthy our achievements are here in the heartland."
Hawgs Change Press Conference Schedule
Reminiscent of efforts to change Iowa's first-in-the-nation caucus standing, Hags Hawgs have changed their press conference from Monday to later in the week in order to maintain top billing for more days.
"It's been a long-standing IFL tradition for the Hawgs to announce their player of the week on Monday," industry analysts explained. "In contrast, for several years, the Hot Wheelers have met with the press on Tuesdays. However, last week, the Hawgs delayed their press conference until later on Tuesday."
When asked to comment, Brian "the Brain" Hagerman, GM of Hags Hawgs, did not say: "It was an ingenious adjustment suggested by our PR (Pork Relations) staff. This seemingly small change resulted in the Hawgs' headline receiving top billing for several days!"
Following a slow start, the Hot Wheelers' Albert Pujols put together his first solid week of the season. Prince Albert scored four, knocked in five, hit two round-trippers and was on base at a .464 clip. "While that's just an average week for Albert, it's good to see him return to an average week," noted the team statistician.
Johnson and Ramirez Lead Surge
Youngsters Kelly Johnson and Hanley Ramirez aren't yet ready to surrender team leadership to Big Al. Their play for the past week helped fuel the Hot Wheelers' climb from the cellar into 9th place.
Johnson's line for the week: 6 runs, 2 home runs, 6 RBI, 1 stolen base, and an OBP of .600.
Ramirez's line for the week: 9 runs, 2 home runs, 4 RBI, 2 stolen bases, and an OBP of .514.
Logan Three-Peats as Player of the Week
Nook Logan, leading the team with an OBP of 1.000, has been named the Hot Wheeler of the Week for the third consecutive week.
"We're not sure if that's a new record or not," a Hot official noted. "However, when a player is maintaining a 1.000 OBP this deep into the season, that certainly attracts our attention!"
When asked why the national media hadn't yet picked up the story, the official revealed: "What else do you expect from the liberal media and their east coast bias? All they want to write about is those east coast teams, no matter how noteworthy our achievements are here in the heartland."
Hawgs Change Press Conference Schedule
Reminiscent of efforts to change Iowa's first-in-the-nation caucus standing, Hags Hawgs have changed their press conference from Monday to later in the week in order to maintain top billing for more days.
"It's been a long-standing IFL tradition for the Hawgs to announce their player of the week on Monday," industry analysts explained. "In contrast, for several years, the Hot Wheelers have met with the press on Tuesdays. However, last week, the Hawgs delayed their press conference until later on Tuesday."
When asked to comment, Brian "the Brain" Hagerman, GM of Hags Hawgs, did not say: "It was an ingenious adjustment suggested by our PR (Pork Relations) staff. This seemingly small change resulted in the Hawgs' headline receiving top billing for several days!"
Saturday, April 21, 2007
List of Hurting Stars Grows
The Getzers' Miguel Cabrera, Clubbers' Alfonso Soriano, and Beamish Boys' Ryan Howard join the Hot Wheelers' Nook Logan on the list of stars who have been sidelined for a few games - or more - during this first month of the season. While the Clubbers and Boys have been able to weather the storm, maintaining positions in the top half of the standings, the losses have been devastating to the more fragile Getzers and Hot Wheelers.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Hawgs Hanging in Second
The third week of the IFL season began with Hags Hawgs clinging to the number two spot in the standings.
Player(s) of the Week
The Hawgs suffered their first casulaty to the DL, losing catcher Josh Bard to a groin injury. Bard is expected to return later this month.
Of Special Note
Player(s) of the Week
- Josh Hamilton hit three home runs , drove in seven, and was on base at a .421 clip. As a result, OF Kevin Mench has lost his playing time. The Hawgs may look to shop Mench if Hamilton continues his solid play.
- Closers David Weathers, Solomon Torres and Flash Gordon combined for six saves during the week, despite surrenduring a few too many hits and walks. With Weathers and Torres proving their worth, Gordon is reportedly on the trading blocks.
The Hawgs suffered their first casulaty to the DL, losing catcher Josh Bard to a groin injury. Bard is expected to return later this month.
Of Special Note
- Morgan Ensberg led the team with a .526 OBP. Ensberg has started the season slowly.
- 2B Ryan Theriot has made a case for more playing time , swiping two bags and hitting .500.
- Starting pitcher Brad Penny has started the season 3-0 with a respectable 1.23 whip, but has fanned only six batters in 20.1 innings.
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