Team Leader Lost for Season
Infielder Cristian Guzman, one of the team leaders over the past several weeks, has been lost for the season following an injury sustained while tagging out a player.
"This is a great loss for our team and a tremendous blow to our drive toward 3rd place," Jeff Wheeler is reported to have said. "Sadly, Cristian's tag play was a direct violation of our team rules. Our batters are instructed to avoid any defensive play that could negatively impact their health. After all, we don't gain any points for fielding percentage or assists. Guzman's injury was senseless, just senseless."
Moises Alou Signed
Ancient outfielder Moises Alou was signed to fill Guzman's spot on the disabled list.
Hot Wheeler fans questioned the move. After all, the list of available free agents includes such notables as Miguel Montero, Nick Hopper and Slim Pickins.
When asked to comment, team spokesman Jeff Wheeler noted, "Frankly, this move was designed to help us reduce our clubhouse expenses. We're hoping that Moises will be able to call out a plague of locusts, or perhaps frogs."
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Reliever Kevin Gregg has been named Hot Wheeler of the Week following his 3-save performance. While notching the saves, Gregg maintained a WHIP of 1.09. "With the loss of Izzie, it's important that I keep my stats up," Gregg commented during a post game feast consisting primarily of frog legs and an unidentified but crunchy chocolate-coated treat.
Hawg Fans Call Out Hagerman
"It's time to see some more activity here," Hawg fans demanded. "It's Hot Wheelers this and Hot Wheelers that. We're getting sick of it all. We need some balance, and look forward to those witty comments from our beloved team owner, Brian "the Brain" Hagerman." Come on, Brain, give us the scoop!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Hot Wheelers Hold Weekly Press Conference
Snell to Join Team
The Hot Wheelers finalized a trade with the league leading Phils to acquire starting pitcher Ian Snell. The Phillies acquired veteran closer Jason Isringhausen in the exchange.
"The Hawgs are breathing down our necks in saves," the team statistician noted, "but with a little luck, they'll be the only ones to catch and pass us now that we're without the services of Jason. If our analysis proves correct, then we have only 1 point at risk."
Snell Injured in Celebration
After learning that he'll be joining the Hot Wheelers, Ian Snell held a celebratory BBQ. Proving once again that truth is stranger than fiction, Snell burned himself while grilling the chicken. The resulting blister may cause him to miss a start or two.
Hot Wheeler of the Week Awarded
Starting pitcher Micah Bowie has been named the Hot Wheeler of the Week following his hot pitching. Micah recorded 2 wins, 8 strikeouts and a WHIP of 1.00 during his two starts this past week.
Olivo Receives Honorable Mention
Catcher Miguel Olivo received consideration for the coveted award. Olivo's line for the week -- 3-1-7-1-.440 -- certainly merits consideration.
The Hot Wheelers finalized a trade with the league leading Phils to acquire starting pitcher Ian Snell. The Phillies acquired veteran closer Jason Isringhausen in the exchange.
"The Hawgs are breathing down our necks in saves," the team statistician noted, "but with a little luck, they'll be the only ones to catch and pass us now that we're without the services of Jason. If our analysis proves correct, then we have only 1 point at risk."
Snell Injured in Celebration
After learning that he'll be joining the Hot Wheelers, Ian Snell held a celebratory BBQ. Proving once again that truth is stranger than fiction, Snell burned himself while grilling the chicken. The resulting blister may cause him to miss a start or two.
Hot Wheeler of the Week Awarded
Starting pitcher Micah Bowie has been named the Hot Wheeler of the Week following his hot pitching. Micah recorded 2 wins, 8 strikeouts and a WHIP of 1.00 during his two starts this past week.
Olivo Receives Honorable Mention
Catcher Miguel Olivo received consideration for the coveted award. Olivo's line for the week -- 3-1-7-1-.440 -- certainly merits consideration.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Hots Hold Weekly Press Conference
The Honk Heard Around the World
The Hot Wheeler management would like to thank the front office of the Hawkeyes for their faithful reading of this blog. Our blog motto can now read "One Customer Served!"
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Big Al Pujols has been named the recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Week award. After Albert got off to a slower than expected start, the team payroll manager had a little talk with Albert. It went something like this: "Look, Al. You've got the most lucrative contract in the league at $44. It's time to start playing like it."
Albert responded to the pep talk, posting stats of 5-4-9-0-.440 for the week.
Trade Talks Stalled
The Hot Wheelers have reportedly been in talks with a few teams this past week regarding the potential acquisition of another corner infielder and starting pitcher. When asked to comment, management hotly denied any talks. Further, Hot Wheeler fans are quick to note that the team has only fished in the free agent pool.
Kemp Returns
Matt Kemp, a member of last year's championship team, has recently been signed to a contract. Reports disagree on whether the contract is a long- or short-term contract.
"Matt's contribution to last year's team during the two weeks that he was with us in the early summer made the difference between a first and second place finish," the team statistician bragged. Fan can only hope that Kemp will have such an effect this year.
The Hot Wheeler management would like to thank the front office of the Hawkeyes for their faithful reading of this blog. Our blog motto can now read "One Customer Served!"
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Big Al Pujols has been named the recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Week award. After Albert got off to a slower than expected start, the team payroll manager had a little talk with Albert. It went something like this: "Look, Al. You've got the most lucrative contract in the league at $44. It's time to start playing like it."
Albert responded to the pep talk, posting stats of 5-4-9-0-.440 for the week.
Trade Talks Stalled
The Hot Wheelers have reportedly been in talks with a few teams this past week regarding the potential acquisition of another corner infielder and starting pitcher. When asked to comment, management hotly denied any talks. Further, Hot Wheeler fans are quick to note that the team has only fished in the free agent pool.
Kemp Returns
Matt Kemp, a member of last year's championship team, has recently been signed to a contract. Reports disagree on whether the contract is a long- or short-term contract.
"Matt's contribution to last year's team during the two weeks that he was with us in the early summer made the difference between a first and second place finish," the team statistician bragged. Fan can only hope that Kemp will have such an effect this year.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Hots Hold Weekly Press Conference
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Hot Wheeler Jason Bay has been named the recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Week award following his hot week at the plate. Off to a slow start, Jason has been warming up as the temperature in Hiawatha has inched up the mercury. Jason scored 5 runs, hit 3 homers, knocked in 6, swiped 1, and was on base at a .345 clip. Hot Wheeler fans are "looking forward to continued production from Jason."
Hot Wheeler of the Month Named
Jose Valverde, one of the Hot Wheelers' three closers, has been named the recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Month award for the month of May. Jose chalked up double-digit saves for the month, putting him on pace for a 60-save season.
While amateur statisticians doubt that Jose will record 60 saves, Hot Wheeler fans know that stats don't lie.
Davis Promoted from Triple A
Rajai Davis has been promoted from the Triple A Wheeler Dealers to the major league squad. "We can't pronounce his name -- is it Dave-IS or Dave-US -- but we like his potential to make an impact," team officials noted.
Recent acquisition Reggie Abercrombie was released to make room for this new acquisition. Reggie is expected to fill his new-found free time with modeling gigs while angling for another position in the IFL.
Hot Wheeler Jason Bay has been named the recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Week award following his hot week at the plate. Off to a slow start, Jason has been warming up as the temperature in Hiawatha has inched up the mercury. Jason scored 5 runs, hit 3 homers, knocked in 6, swiped 1, and was on base at a .345 clip. Hot Wheeler fans are "looking forward to continued production from Jason."
Hot Wheeler of the Month Named
Jose Valverde, one of the Hot Wheelers' three closers, has been named the recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Month award for the month of May. Jose chalked up double-digit saves for the month, putting him on pace for a 60-save season.
While amateur statisticians doubt that Jose will record 60 saves, Hot Wheeler fans know that stats don't lie.
Davis Promoted from Triple A
Rajai Davis has been promoted from the Triple A Wheeler Dealers to the major league squad. "We can't pronounce his name -- is it Dave-IS or Dave-US -- but we like his potential to make an impact," team officials noted.
Recent acquisition Reggie Abercrombie was released to make room for this new acquisition. Reggie is expected to fill his new-found free time with modeling gigs while angling for another position in the IFL.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Moves Shake Up Hot Squad
Moves by the Hot Wheeler management the past few days have shaken up the team. While the remaining players must be on edge wondering if the cuts are complete, Hot Wheeler fans applaud the moves. "It's good to see the Hot Wheelers showing a committment (sic) to winning again," an online source proclaimed.
Molina Injured; Olivo Returns to Fold
Following Yadier Molina's injury last night and impending time on the disabled list, the Hot Wheeler management released the well-liked catcher. Yadi had these comments for us: "Sad to be let go, I am."
While Yadi reconnects with the force of the pine bench, Miguel Olivo - a valued member of last year's championship team - has been resigned. "We look to Miguel to bring a bit more pop to our lineup than Yadier has shown so far this season. If his OBP can stay above .300, we'll be more than pleased."
Fans Lose Patience for Johnson
Nick Johnson, on the disabled list all year, recently announced that he hopes to return this year, but doesn't know when that might be. "Well, we know," Hot Wheeler fans announced on fan site blogs. "This year ends on December 31, 2007, and that's just not soon enough."
Hot Wheeler management has finally agreed. "We released Nick from our bench position today, making room to move Valentin to the bench as he recovers from a knee condition. We wish Nick well; perhaps he'll return to our team when he's feeling better."
Speedster Norris Hopper has been signed to fill Johnson's roster spot. "We want to be clear to both Hopper and our fans: he must perform to maintain his position."
Schoeneweise Out; Bowie In
After getting off to a good start this season, middle reliever Scott Schoeneweise has been stinkin' up the joint lately. Management has lost confidence in him, as has been shown by his lack of hold opportunities. Pundits suspect that Schoeneweise's already precarious position was further weakened by the demotion of Anthony Reyes. "It's clear that the team needs more than four starters; it's no surprise that the Hot Wheelers would look to sign another starter," the Hiawatha Plain Dealer reported.
Micah Bowie has been signed to temporarily fill the spot vacated by Schoeneweise. "To be honest, we don't know much about him. We just liked his name; it has a biblical ring to it," Hot management revealed.
Pagan Expelled; Abercrombie Signed
"The Hot Wheelers have provided a real heavenly haven for me," Angel Pagan bemoaned upon learning that he'd been released. "I thought that my 1 hit this past week would be enough to keep me here. With 1 hit a week, I was fitting in real well."
The Hot Wheelers are getting heavy on the leadoff batter side, with the addition of Reggie Abercrombie. While Abercrombie's got a hot bat right now, fans want to know if he keep it up.
Molina Injured; Olivo Returns to Fold
Following Yadier Molina's injury last night and impending time on the disabled list, the Hot Wheeler management released the well-liked catcher. Yadi had these comments for us: "Sad to be let go, I am."
While Yadi reconnects with the force of the pine bench, Miguel Olivo - a valued member of last year's championship team - has been resigned. "We look to Miguel to bring a bit more pop to our lineup than Yadier has shown so far this season. If his OBP can stay above .300, we'll be more than pleased."
Fans Lose Patience for Johnson
Nick Johnson, on the disabled list all year, recently announced that he hopes to return this year, but doesn't know when that might be. "Well, we know," Hot Wheeler fans announced on fan site blogs. "This year ends on December 31, 2007, and that's just not soon enough."
Hot Wheeler management has finally agreed. "We released Nick from our bench position today, making room to move Valentin to the bench as he recovers from a knee condition. We wish Nick well; perhaps he'll return to our team when he's feeling better."
Speedster Norris Hopper has been signed to fill Johnson's roster spot. "We want to be clear to both Hopper and our fans: he must perform to maintain his position."
Schoeneweise Out; Bowie In
After getting off to a good start this season, middle reliever Scott Schoeneweise has been stinkin' up the joint lately. Management has lost confidence in him, as has been shown by his lack of hold opportunities. Pundits suspect that Schoeneweise's already precarious position was further weakened by the demotion of Anthony Reyes. "It's clear that the team needs more than four starters; it's no surprise that the Hot Wheelers would look to sign another starter," the Hiawatha Plain Dealer reported.
Micah Bowie has been signed to temporarily fill the spot vacated by Schoeneweise. "To be honest, we don't know much about him. We just liked his name; it has a biblical ring to it," Hot management revealed.
Pagan Expelled; Abercrombie Signed
"The Hot Wheelers have provided a real heavenly haven for me," Angel Pagan bemoaned upon learning that he'd been released. "I thought that my 1 hit this past week would be enough to keep me here. With 1 hit a week, I was fitting in real well."
The Hot Wheelers are getting heavy on the leadoff batter side, with the addition of Reggie Abercrombie. While Abercrombie's got a hot bat right now, fans want to know if he keep it up.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Hots Hold Weekly Press Conference
Reyes' Socks Demoted to Minors
Anthony Reyes' socks - knee highs with horizontal red and white stripes - have been demoted to the minor league Wheeler Dealers. Reyes opted to follow his socks, and has left the team.
"Anthony posted decent fantasy numbers: 39 strikeouts in 50.1 innings, with a WHIP of 1.35. However, his ERA in the first inning approached 1 million, which resulted in Anthony's record of 0-and-8."
"Plus, we'd been receiving complaints from the television crew regarding the stripes on his socks. We think that perhaps the stripes were more distracting to Anthony than to the batters and our television fans, so we sent them down for some additional seasoning," noted the Hot Wheelers' equipment manager.
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Hot Wheeler Jason Bay has been named the most recent recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Week award. Jason's hot week included 2 home runs, 6 runs scored, 10 RBI and an OBP of .531.
Anthony Reyes' socks - knee highs with horizontal red and white stripes - have been demoted to the minor league Wheeler Dealers. Reyes opted to follow his socks, and has left the team.
"Anthony posted decent fantasy numbers: 39 strikeouts in 50.1 innings, with a WHIP of 1.35. However, his ERA in the first inning approached 1 million, which resulted in Anthony's record of 0-and-8."
"Plus, we'd been receiving complaints from the television crew regarding the stripes on his socks. We think that perhaps the stripes were more distracting to Anthony than to the batters and our television fans, so we sent them down for some additional seasoning," noted the Hot Wheelers' equipment manager.
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Hot Wheeler Jason Bay has been named the most recent recipient of the Hot Wheeler of the Week award. Jason's hot week included 2 home runs, 6 runs scored, 10 RBI and an OBP of .531.
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