Team Leader Lost for Season
Infielder Cristian Guzman, one of the team leaders over the past several weeks, has been lost for the season following an injury sustained while tagging out a player.
"This is a great loss for our team and a tremendous blow to our drive toward 3rd place," Jeff Wheeler is reported to have said. "Sadly, Cristian's tag play was a direct violation of our team rules. Our batters are instructed to avoid any defensive play that could negatively impact their health. After all, we don't gain any points for fielding percentage or assists. Guzman's injury was senseless, just senseless."
Moises Alou Signed
Ancient outfielder Moises Alou was signed to fill Guzman's spot on the disabled list.
Hot Wheeler fans questioned the move. After all, the list of available free agents includes such notables as Miguel Montero, Nick Hopper and Slim Pickins.
When asked to comment, team spokesman Jeff Wheeler noted, "Frankly, this move was designed to help us reduce our clubhouse expenses. We're hoping that Moises will be able to call out a plague of locusts, or perhaps frogs."
Hot Wheeler of the Week Named
Reliever Kevin Gregg has been named Hot Wheeler of the Week following his 3-save performance. While notching the saves, Gregg maintained a WHIP of 1.09. "With the loss of Izzie, it's important that I keep my stats up," Gregg commented during a post game feast consisting primarily of frog legs and an unidentified but crunchy chocolate-coated treat.
Hawg Fans Call Out Hagerman
"It's time to see some more activity here," Hawg fans demanded. "It's Hot Wheelers this and Hot Wheelers that. We're getting sick of it all. We need some balance, and look forward to those witty comments from our beloved team owner, Brian "the Brain" Hagerman." Come on, Brain, give us the scoop!
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Clemente's Clubbers glad to sat "adieu" to Alou.
In a brief statement to reporters following the annoucement of outfielder Moises Alou's signing by the Hot Wheelers, team General Manager Doug wagner had this to say:
If for no other reason than we couldn't deal with buckets of urine sitting around, we're glad to see Moises go. We were concerned that his age would be a problem, but it turned out that his age allowed him to spend some fairly productive time with us. Once the annual warranty ran out, we decided to get rid of him.
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