Hots Hold Weekly Press Conference

Pujols Back on Track

Following a slow start, the Hot Wheelers' Albert Pujols put together his first solid week of the season. Prince Albert scored four, knocked in five, hit two round-trippers and was on base at a .464 clip. "While that's just an average week for Albert, it's good to see him return to an average week," noted the team statistician.

Johnson and Ramirez Lead Surge

Youngsters Kelly Johnson and Hanley Ramirez aren't yet ready to surrender team leadership to Big Al. Their play for the past week helped fuel the Hot Wheelers' climb from the cellar into 9th place.

Johnson's line for the week: 6 runs, 2 home runs, 6 RBI, 1 stolen base, and an OBP of .600.

Ramirez's line for the week: 9 runs, 2 home runs, 4 RBI, 2 stolen bases, and an OBP of .514.

Logan Three-Peats as Player of the Week

Nook Logan, leading the team with an OBP of 1.000, has been named the Hot Wheeler of the Week for the third consecutive week.

"We're not sure if that's a new record or not," a Hot official noted. "However, when a player is maintaining a 1.000 OBP this deep into the season, that certainly attracts our attention!"

When asked why the national media hadn't yet picked up the story, the official revealed: "What else do you expect from the liberal media and their east coast bias? All they want to write about is those east coast teams, no matter how noteworthy our achievements are here in the heartland."

Hawgs Change Press Conference Schedule

Reminiscent of efforts to change Iowa's first-in-the-nation caucus standing, Hags Hawgs have changed their press conference from Monday to later in the week in order to maintain top billing for more days.

"It's been a long-standing IFL tradition for the Hawgs to announce their player of the week on Monday," industry analysts explained. "In contrast, for several years, the Hot Wheelers have met with the press on Tuesdays. However, last week, the Hawgs delayed their press conference until later on Tuesday."

When asked to comment, Brian "the Brain" Hagerman, GM of Hags Hawgs, did not say: "It was an ingenious adjustment suggested by our PR (Pork Relations) staff. This seemingly small change resulted in the Hawgs' headline receiving top billing for several days!"